Saturday, September 26, 2020

A Word from Rachel


Several years ago I was inspired to create a monthly gathering with my daughter, her friends, and their mothers.  We’ve been meeting monthly ever since. We voted to call our circle MoonBeams.  I imagined our girls as little beams of light, gathering once a month to shine in full splendor, just like the moon, lighting up the darkness.  Some of these monthly MoonBeams gatherings live inside me as the best evenings of my life. The girls—now teenagers—loved these evenings. I was inspired to lead mother-daughter circles by the desire that all mothers have to stay connected to our daughters through their adolescence.

Beginning when Lily was about two years old, well-meaning friends and relatives and especially strangers began to say, “Oh, just wait.  Wait till she becomes a teenager.  Enjoy her now, because…” and their voices would trail off into doom. 

Because what?  She would pierce her tongue?  Embark upon promiscuity?  Get a Mohawk?  One parenting book back then offered that the “terrible two’s” were a foreshadowing of adolescence, so I watched Lily during her two’s for a hint.  Although she was not prone to temper tantrums, her two’s did bring on a very peaceful violation of social decorum when she got into a puzzling habit of deliberately and impishly urinating on the floor.  I was not amused. How on earth would that kind of dreadful behavior manifest in adolescence? I was being programmed by well-meaning others to expect rebellion, though I actually looked forward to her maturity.  I felt, in fact, that I’d be fine…that I even liked teenagers.  I wondered, what if I gave her teen years the space to be different? Daughters, too, are programmed—by movies, songs, friends, tv--that as they get older, parents are the last things they want to have around. I was willing to have it be the opposite. What if she actually still liked me when she entered her teens? I was open to it.


Still—after Lily turned nine, it seemed like some preparation might prove to be helpful.  I couldn’t help but notice that she was developing a will of her own, and her will seemed to be developing a life of its own.  She was becoming less likely to acquiesce—my formerly agreeable child.  The foreshadowing of conflict on various minor occasions told me that it was time to initiate some shifts.  I could feel myself wanting to clamp down and impose some rules—which I’d never previously needed. Rules felt potentially satisfying, yet harsh. What other option was there?

I looked for a book specifically to help me guide these shifts: hers from external to internal authority, mine from full authority to co-creator, but I didn’t find the help I sought.  I wanted there to be an answer out there in the world.  There wasn’t. I pondered a new pathway. A different perspective. I knew if it weren’t fun, she’d want no part in it. I considered what I knew about kids and yoga and personal growth.  I rerouted our path.


This book is the fruit of those shifts and a description of our path.  Good news!  Our little games and exercises and secret codes were fun!  She liked them. They were harder for me than for her—I was more stuck in old ways of relating than she was.  We began to shift from potential adversaries to potential partners.  We let each other flourish rather than shutting each other down. My teenager is brilliant—far better than I--at co-creating the reality we prefer, of letting go of her fierce will and coaxing me to let go of my habitual one, so that we can coexist happily and peacefully. And we do.

As we progressed I took notes. Those notes, in the form of this book, offer mothers of daughters support in a way that lets their daughters flourish while staying safe and protected on their journey toward adolescence.  Meanwhile Lily offers daughters fun ideas and exercises to help them go from dependence to independence in a peaceful and conscious way.

Friday, September 11, 2020

A Word from Lily Fiske


Book excerpt from MoonBeams: a Mother-Daughter Revolution ~


Hello, my name is LILY!


Usually my mom and I get along great. Usually I think she is cool, and she thinks I'm...well, anywhere from a good person to an amazing award winning daughter. But there are those other times, times when I think she is completely dumb and wrong, and she thinks "Omg I've raised a monster!" And in those times, I am glad we did all the stuff in this book. Because no matter how much we are misunderstanding each other and want to cry, there is still a part of us that totally, totally knows that our wrath is not going to last much longer. Because there is this life preserver floating out there in the deep dark waters, and one of us just has to reach out and grab hold, then grab hold of the other person's hand, and we're good. And that life preserver is...all the stuff in this book!


It is kind of normal for mothers and daughters to get into it with each other, but it doesn't have to last all day, and we don't have to hold grudges. Ever. I will help you make that gruesome stuff NOT happen.


To me, the coolest thing about this book is that you get to train your mom. You get to be the one who says, "Let's do this a better way." My mom was trainable. Yours probably is too.


--Lily Fiske 2016


P.S. In this book you will learn to:

1. Recognize your inner voice.

2. Choose to listen to its call.

3. Change anger with your mom to relaxed happiness.

4. Finally get that giraffe you’ve been wanting!

Getting Underneath Your Ego:

So, you’re wondering what your “Ego” is? Well I have the answer. Think of your Ego like glue. (E-goo. Ew.) It’s the glue that keeps you sticking to a story even when proven wrong. Because it is the part of you that always wants to be right, and it wants praise for being right. The Ego is the part of you that never wants to give in, give up, or come to a compromise. Is also the part that asks, “What if…?” It is afraid of new things and afraid to get hurt. It’s the thing that makes you feel like you are better than other people—or worse than other people! Very tricky, Ego!

Your Ego can be helpful sometimes, but only when it is connected to your heart. 

What Kind of Person?

Do you ever think about what you want to be when you grow up? Do you ever think about what kind of person you want to be? When you really do think about it, there are so many choices! There are so many different kinds of women and teenagers out there and they all have different voices, they are reaching out to you, inviting you to join them. 

Look around and notice this. 

So here’s the big question… “Which voice do I listen to?”

And the answer? Yours. Always listen to your inner voice. I listen to mine and my mom listens to hers. And your friends? They listen to theirs, I hope.

And an even bigger question? How do we hear that voice?

How do we hear it over all the sounds that happen around us? How can you hear it over your parents’ cell phone ringtones, your cell phone ringtone, when you are wearing earphones, and when you have such a busy schedule?

Another answer: we hear this inner voice by setting aside time to hear it, time to listen. We need to set aside time because this voice is silent. So do it. Before bed, and even right when you wake up. Listen.

Want to know why I find my inner voice awesome, and you will too? Because it’s totally mine. And yours is totally yours! It will never leave you, once you find it, and it will be there for the rest of your life! It’s kind of like your best friend and it will honor you when you set aside some time to listen to it. 

With my inner voice, I can change what is happening in a situation just by being quiet and listening. If I’m not happy, I can close my eyes and change that, just by being connected with my inner voice.

Here’s the question I know you’d ask me if I were with you: How do I hear my “inner voice” If it’s silent? 

Well I have the answer, of course…through practice! You won’t hear it outside yourself, where there are all the distractions of the universe. So set some time to listen, without any phones, computers, video games and all that fun rubbish. Once you have tuned out all the gadgets in your home, you will find that your inner voice is just as interesting to be with. You will find its unique, quiet expression interesting too.

Make sure to take time out daily or weekly or monthly to tune into your new bff, so that when you are older and there are cute boys, parties, cars, colleges, and even more noise and distraction, you will be familiar with it when you need it most. And you will rock!

Extra credit:  Listen for her in the morning when you awaken, too.

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